Why Trust MATTERS.

Why does the Church require silence? Was Jesus silent in the midst of corrupt leaders and uses of the Church? Time and time again we read in Scripture about Jesus confronting the Pharisees and Sadducees about their hypocrisy, abuse, and corruption. It is inevitable that we fail to think about our Savior upending tables in the Synagogue as it was used as a market for money changing and the sale of sacrificial animals. We spend so much time in a mindset of silent suffering when there is something terribly wrong with the abuse going on in the Church. We shame people, we put them down, we act as if we are better than them when we are not, and worst of all, we bow down to others when we should be standing up. So I ask you, what is our purpose? What is the Church's purpose? To go and make disciples of every nation? Yes, a thousand times, yes! But then, how do we accomplish this purpose as individuals sitting silently while people in our midst suffer at the hands of those who should be lifting them up and pouring into them?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FULL DISCLOSURE... this particular paragraph was born out of a situation going on in my life a few years ago... one that, unfortunately, went on for too long, and damaged my heart and my trust in Christian leadership. As usual, though, God is faithful to heal in the midst of such a broken environment. So now... for the rest of the story (as they say in Lake Wobegone).

Resiliency is defined as "the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness". If nothing else, God has made me resilient. Over the past 5 years, I have lost multiple family members, neighbors, been homeless, unemployed, and had one of the people I loved most walk away from me. I have been rejected and treated as rubbish by the church community that was supposed to love me and uplift me. At the same time, I have gained many friends, come to a fuller understanding of what it means to love, gained a new church family, have a job in the field I wanted to work in the beginning, and a home to call my own. I am immeasurably blessed. And I am immeasurably thankful for what the Lord has done over and over again to prove his trustworthiness and faithfulness.

I have learned the hard way that Christians are sometimes the ones who hurt us most. Broken people leading broken people requires transparency, accountability, and at times, the courage to step up and say something. It requires us to love broken people where they are while recognizing our own brokenness simultaneously. We give grace because we have been given grace, not because we, or they, deserve it.

Jesus says in 1 Corinthians 12: 21-27: "The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

That piece of Scripture is an especially difficult piece of Scripture to stomach when a sister or brother in your midst is the most angry, bitter, broken, and ugly person you have ever seen. But that is when we are called to LOVE most! We all know the next chapter of 1 Corinthians when Jesus talks about what love looks like (Chapter 13). And we all know Matthew 18:15-17: "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established but the testimony of two of three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan of a tax collector."

There is a fine line between mercy and justice. I, myself, have a tendency to lean more heavily on the side of justice than of mercy. Almost always. But vengeance is the Lord's. Even when it physically hurts to let Him have it. It is a far better thing to trust in the Lord than take matters into your own hands. In the end, my answer for the broken Pastor and the broken church I was attending was to step out of the situation after being integrated back into the young adult community and the larger faith community. But that took years. It was not an overnight process, and it was not a process by which the Lord worked quickly to change my heart or the hearts of others involved. I received counseling, love, and most of all, acceptance from other Christians outside of that community who knew what it was like to be in the midst of a broken and bitter season. And it was ultimately because of their love that I returned to the feet of Christ. It was their kindness and compassion that drew me in.

They were a reflection of the good Shepherd. The one that draws us in even when we push him away, or when we fear trusting anyone or anything again, let alone an invisible God. I wish I knew where I was ultimately going with this story, but all I can say is that it's not over. While God continues to break down the hardened walls of the hearts that were so cold towards me at my former church, He also continues to heal my heart and teach it to trust again with my new church family. He has used my brokenness for good, as a testimony to others that it gets better, and that He is worth trusting with my life. He has used my bitterness and anger as teachable moments and to speak into the lives of others who have been rejected from the church. He uses me. And He uses my story over and over again to draw others to himself. I could not ask for a better soft close to this chapter of my story. He is using me to restore. He is restoring me. It is by grace I have been saved, through faith, not through anything I have done. It is a gift of God - not from works, so that I might not boast in what I have not done.

" For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9